Just a Nermal Day
by Colorlessgreenideas
Summary: Nermal comes for a Visit but ends up bothering Odie more than Garfeild! RR if u want


It was a bright and sunny day and Garfield laid in his litter box sprawled out like you know he does. The sun was shining outside and Odie was wigging his tail to and fro, but to Garfield it was all merely an annoying distraction.

That is, until Jon placed his favorite mug in front of him. Garfield's small nose caught a whiff and immediately he was rived, ready for another day. He gave Odie's tongue a tug and booted him off the counter and there you have it another day was already begun.

"Garfield I have a surprise for u," Jon cooed. This angered Garfield to the extreme, as Jon's surprises tended to be lame if not outright offensive. The orange cat bided his time, waiting for the moment when his owner would make a mistake. That was when he would strike. But not yet.

"You're going to have a playmate today!" Jon sang out. Odie was oblivious to the verbalizing and chased his tail for his amusement. Meanwhile Jon watched Garfield, anticipating his reaction. "Do you know who it is?"

"Shut up" was Garfield's silent response.

"That's right, our lord and savior Jesus Christ!" Jon clapped his hands. "Ah just kidding, it's Nermal."

"Helloooooo, old fat and ugly!" Nermal came bounding in and immediately turned his energies toward chapping Garfield's orange hide. It didn't take long. "You've gained weight!" the small but cute cat chirped as he poked Garfield in the belly.

"You're writing your own death certificate, my friend," Garfield responded.

"Now you pets all play nice," Jon said. "I'm off to the Laundromat. I'll be there a while. I'm giving all my socks a double wash!" He grinned like a maniac and slammed the door. Garfield briefly considered uttering a racial slur, but it just wasn't his style.

Meanwhile Nermal had other ideas. "Want to chase a ball of string?"

"No," Garfield said, very bored with this concept.

"How about lay in the sun and purr?"

"No," Garfield said again.

"Fine. Be a big old bore!" Nermal cried, and slunk away. Garfield did not mind cuz he was thinking about food and did not like Nermal very much no not very much at all.

With Nermal out of the picture he could finally get down to business, in other words, take a nap, which Garfield did with aplomb. Several hours later he awoke to a strange chanting though. It was Nermal, the world's cutest kitten. Garfield saw that he had set up a sort of altar in Jon's living room and was garbed in a rather elaborate robe with a funny hat.

"Funny hat," he remarked in his own sarcastic way.

"…And do what thou wilt shall be the whole of law," Nermal murmured, completing the ancient rite. The lights in Jon's house dimmed and Garfield sat up to take notice. What was going on here, he thought. Nermal raised a jeweled chalice over his head and poured it out on the altar; Garfield saw that it was red. Blood. "Thy name is legion," Nermal chanted. It was interesting because Nermal never acted like that before.

Then to Garfield's surprise he saw that Odie, the dog with the low IQ, was strapped down to the altar. Nermal had poured the blood over him and there were lit candles surrounding the pup. Naturally Odie was thinking this was just another fun game. But Nermal now raised a bejeweled dagger over his head, chanting all the while, and Garfield got the message loud and clear: the kitten was preparing to sacrifice Odie to some unspeakable heathen deity.

The orange cat watched with interest. He was a bit surprised because all of these years he assumed he would be the one to finally murder Odie one day. But, Nermal had certainly turned the tables on that one. It really was kind of surprising.

Around the room the lights flickered again and Garfield was certain he could feel a spirit presence, like maybe a ghost or the stay-puffed marshmallow man. But his eyes remained riveted to the altar where Nermal began to lower the ceremonial dagger to Odie's neck. The dog barked and licked at Nermal enthusiastically.

But then all of a sudden the door slammed open. "We are the state police and we are looking for u" they screamed, handcuffing Nermal and ruffling his finely groomed fur. "Help!" the kitten cried but it was too late. They stuffed him into the back of a squad car, poured a jar of raspberry preserves over his head (for Nermal hated the raspberry) and drove away with sirens blaring. Garfield couldn't quite believe what had just gone down but he knew in his heart that it was the will of Gaia the Earth Mother.

He unstrapped Odie and cleaned up Nermal's ritual things just in time for Jon to return home from the laundry. "You guys will never guess, I had such an exciting day you guys," he was obviously in a jubilant mood. "I saw the most beautiful woman… and we almost made eye contact! So what did you do? Where's Nermal?"

"Let's just say the heat got to him," Garfield quipped.


End file.
